Theyre gonna know Im a fucking bed-wetter. A goose is the only animal on the planet could take a jetliner out of the fucking sky and make it land on the Hudson River. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up. I dont know. [cheering and applause] Thats pretty slick. Hes lucky I dont know where hes buried. There were porno movies everywhere, but the porno movie that caught my eye was called Fat Midgets Fucking Fat Midgets Two. Watch Ron White only on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/in/title/80244900Follow NETFLIX IS A JOKE:Facebook: www.facebook.com/NetflixIsAJokeTwitter: www.twitter.com/NetflixIsAJokeInstagram: www.instagram.com/NetflixIsAJokeSUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/29qBUt7About Netflix:Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with 130 million memberships in over 190 countries enjoying TV series, documentaries and feature films across a wide variety of genres and languages. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Ron, wake up. Ill come back over and pay you. This is what he says: Well, those dont look like the socks of a man who would steal an egg. Yeah, they sure the fuck dont. and the Privacy Policy You fucking idiot. Its got three comedy clubs and Id just done a 15-minute set in the OR, which is the original room, but they call it the OR. It was juvenated, it became un-juvenated, it needs to be rejuvenated. Oh, you can see it in their eyehole. This 10-digit number is your confirmation number. Thats something we dreamed about and it fucking happened. We had spent $100,000 on this little fucking room, and that builder, that motherfucker. We walk up to this booth that only sells dildos. Joe Rogan with Ron White on Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia & Stealing Jokes From Comedians! Now I live in Beverly Hills in a house my wife and I just built, and I was doing an interview the other day, and this guy asked me, Has it changed you? An action packed stay in rehab. Theyre not natural. I dont give a shit. Where is Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up streaming? If you dont know what they look like, it looks like a pug was raped by a fruit bat. See production, box office & company info, Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One for the Road, The Hall: Honoring the Greats of Stand-Up, : , . This conversation got so goddamn out of hand. Im not doing that either. 41,150, This story has been shared 20,592 times. Dont wake White up just yet. Im the reluctant watchdog. 0:46. Im fucking over it. So I decided to spend the night at Joe Paines house, who had been my friend since I was six years old. But it turns out, theyre great watchdogs. So I really had to call and promote these shows and get everybody to come out, and I called this radio station in London. Were just gonna have lunch. Im all over it, dude. Cause there aint no goddamn women there. Steals my sandwich. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. I go back up to the room and shes passed out, in this negligee, and shes fucking gorgeous. And these guys are laughing and dancing and drinking, and theyre having a fucking blast. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Thats an agility test, and Im not very goddamn agile, all right? Heres what I get at three oclock in the morning when I have a six oclock flight: [whispering] Ron. Whiskey and ice cubes. Coming Soon. Traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. My beer is cold. Now, when I have seven eighths of a gram of marijuana, I consider myself to be out of marijuana. It seemed like they would give you a sack or something. Theyre not. Anyway I was a bed-wetter, and I was mortified by it. All rights reserved. He wants to build a wall between the US and Mexico to keep out immigrants, and I wanted to build a net between the US and Canada to keep those fucking geese out of here. [whispering] Did you? Do you think I fucking heard it? The one I saw was called, Its Just Lunch, and what they do is they just hook people up, and they have lunch, broad daylight, right in the middle of the day. I could not possibly care any less. Geese arent natural. Youre still going to hop in that motherfucker. I saw this on the news the other day. Nobodys moving till we get across this street. They could have flown over the fucking street. Nobody wants to be a white asshole, but everybody wants to have one all of a sudden. Theres an opening act, that makes between 100 and 200 a week for nine shows, the feature act which is what I was makes between 400 and 500 bucks for nine shows, and a headliner who can make absolutely anything depending upon who they are.. All right. And just set it and forget it and fucking shut it down. Im better at oral sex than Ive ever been and I think its just because Im older and Im just more patient than I was when I was young, because cause now Ill lay there for hours and let you do your thing. And then the whole experience just started to creep me the fuck out. Back then, having their names on Vegas marquees was living the dream. Vaginal rejuvenation. I understand how unnecessary that was. Theres an opening act that makes between 100 and 200 a week for nine shows, the feature act, which is what I was, makes between 400 and 500 bucks a week for nine shows, and a headliner who can make absolutely anything depending on who they are. Theres nothing you can do about it. That guy cant drive my fucking car. My fucking life is over. A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. Yeah! You got to quit eating them babies, maam. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. I would have missed the boat if I was in the porno business right there. It was a story about a town in the Middle East where, by law by law, the women who live in this town have to wear burkas with one eyehole. Thank you very much. Shes gonna overinflate him. Nobody would give a shit. I wouldnt do it. Im like, Theyre gonna know. Im going to do it, cause Im surprised they know it, but I support the Montreal Comedy Festival, and if you ever have a chance to go to Montreal in the summer to go to the festival, its the coolest fucking thing there is. 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Get too fat at the Golden Corral, go to the Dress Barn. Thats insensitive right there. Come on down to the Golden Corral. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). Thats how much money Ive got. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity rating: 12 | 1h 3m | Stand-up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Ill walk back. >> julia, thank you very much for that update. This is drunk. Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. Im the watchdog at our house. It follows Bert Kreischer as he spills on bodily emissions, being bullied by his kids and the end to his familys escape room outing. Id have peed on both of them, but one of them was too fucking high and I was like, Id piss on the wall trying to piss on that guy. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up My doctor the other day said, Ron, you cannot gain any more weight, and I said, Thats what I thought. My wifes on my ass about me taking better care of myself. Its got 750 yards on it. I ordered the movie. I got 17 friends behind me. He goes, Well, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer, and I said, Well, heres the bad news, Hoss. The money sadly aint much better for aspiring stand-ups in 2018 than it was some two or three decades earlier for White. But I took her to Vegas. Im there for eight months. Somebody asked me to do this story. Go see what it is. Wake up those fucking dogs you bought. Your AMC Ticket Confirmation# can be found in your order confirmation email. After a weird couple of years, John Mulaney comes out swinging in his return to the stage. Lets do a big shot of tequila, you snort some cocaine off my dick and fuck me right up the butt. And they march off to the bathroom and do exactly that, exactly then, and the reason they can is theres not a woman there to go, Well, thats morally wrong and bathrooms arent near clean enough to butt-fuck in. Oh, they beg to differ. Just lunch. Thanks for playing along. [snorting] I dont, really Ive got tons of gay friends, most of em male dancers from fucking Vegas, and theyre like, We want to get married too. Im like, Youre going to fucking hate it, but, I think the Supreme Court fucked up the best thing about being gay. Im like, Im through it. A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. He didnt say that. My platform was a little different than our presidents platform. And Danny wakes up and he goes, I had a dream. No. Is that Glen Campbell or Nick Nolte? Ladies, if you dont like the way the cooch is looking, before you go do something that extreme, try this. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. Is 'Are You There God? Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. Thats why. You cant fix stupid. Thats his deal. Radical terrorist Canadian geese! Cause .08s not drunk. Did you hear that? Did you just wake me up to ask me if I heard something? So Thats it. As Egypt's last pharaoh, Cleopatra fights to protect her throne, family and legacy in this docudrama featuring reenactments and expert interviews. You let me think, I went my whole life, that Id pissed in Joe Paines fucking bunk bed?, So my wife and I, we both tour extensively, and, uh she bought us two dogs, which, you know, just makes touring easier if you have a couple of dogs to drag with you on all those flights, and she bought us two French Bulldogs. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. Another service they offer at this spa is a thing called vaginal rejuvenation. This is what this DJ says to me: Ron Every time a celebrity calls our station, we always ask the same question: If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be? And I said Living. And he tried to explain it to me. Ahh! I may or may not be a little drunk. Do not try that at home. Starring: Ron White Watch all you want. Natures most shitty critical thinkers. Im not, and Ill tell you why. I wouldnt and Ill tell you why. No sabemos si las ancdotas son ciertas o es todo parte de la rutina, pero sea como fuere, la balanza se inclina 3 a 0 a favor, razn por la cual tens que ver este especial ;)Hasta el prximo episodio Gracias por ver! Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 18+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese.