1."Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. George Carlin. CBS / Landov "Weather tonight: dark. Selfish, Leader, Ignorant. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, This website or its third-party tools use cookies, which are necessary to its functioning and required to achieve the purposes illustrated in the cookie policy. Carlin and his "Seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. Submit Quote George Carlin On Birthdays Quotes & Sayings Showing search results for "George Carlin On Birthdays" sorted by relevance. Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Happy Birthday! It is time to party! My heart felt wishes and blessings are coming your way on the wonderful occasion of your birthday. I will never be able to forget the support that you have given me. 500 matching entries found. George Carlin Birthday Quotes & Sayings . We know that everyone loves a great quote and our mission here is simple to be the best and most interesting quote site in the world! George Carlin's Most Humorous and Influential Quotes. "The planet is fine. 60 really looks great on you! We just can't stop people from being homeless if that's their choice. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? And fight songs. #1. 125 George Carlin Quotes. Every day we present the best quotes! A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. Wishing you a lot of surprises and happiness on your 65th Birthday. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines . I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. ":"&")+"url="+encodeURIComponent(b)),f.setRequestHeader("Content-Type","application/x-www-form-urlencoded"),f.send(a))}}},s=function(){var b={},d=document.getElementsByTagName("IMG");if(0==d.length)return{};var a=d[0];if(! At his wife's 60th birthday party in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, d..k Cheney had a huge steak and battered onion rings for dinner. Related Topics. Georges words and his life are revered in more ways than one. 2."Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Do you get on before you get on? George Carlin Birthday Quotes & Sayings . //125 Best George Carlin Quotes on Life - Parade Afterward he met with 100 donors, not campaign donors, heart donors. Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. There is nothing wrong with the planet. George Carlin Quotes On Birthdays. QuotesGram - George Carlin. I don't do that, why, don't give a shit! Voltaire. Mickey Mouse's birthday being - George Carlin Quotes | Facebook (function(){var g=this,h=function(b,d){var a=b.split(". If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. John Allison. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password. "),c=g;a[0]in c||!c.execScript||c.execScript("var "+a[0]);for(var e;a.length&&(e=a.shift());)a.length||void 0===d?c[e]?c=c[e]:c=c[e]={}:c[e]=d};var l=function(b){var d=b.length;if(067 George Carlin Quotes about Humor, Career and Life Itself "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?". But he loves you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.48.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.49.So, have a little fun. The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. If you have quotes you would like us to cover, please contact us. 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, p.205, Hachette UK. William Butler Yeats: "From our birthday, until we die, / Is but the winking of an eye." Plato: "Old age: A great sense of calm and freedom. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was.61.One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.62.There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. George Carlin After working on building a wall, brick by brick, for a year and a half, he realized that the approach to tackling any goal can be done in the same way. 31. It will not be with jack-boots. When shes not writing for Quotezine, she can be found excessively quoting The Simpsons or binge watching Netflix. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Happy Birthday, my dearest sister. Weve added years to life, not life to years.16.Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.17.When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.". I felt better right away. 160 Copy quote. How can you not have all day? We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason. Happy 60th Birthday! Funny, Sarcastic, Witty. Youve seen or experienced a lot of wonderful things all these years. I think your value is priceless. 500 matching entries found. There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. Every table had an argument going. tags: humor , sci-fi , sleep. War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. Whats the matter with you? It is a celebration of someone that is loved and greatly admired. They should be more vivid. Want to learn more about George Carlin from his own words? The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. "Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. There's no present. You are not turning 60. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. We haven't tried that for a while. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. I will pray that you receive more than you have hoped for this birthday. The more you age the more valuable you become. Documentary, Comedy, 1984. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. On your birthday, I just want to remind you that you are the best person I have ever met in my whole life. 33. Happy Birthday, my sugar lumps! One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. It is time to sing and dance, and it is time for birthday bumps! Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. 70+ George Carlin Quotes About the Crazy World We Live in But he loves you. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.". Be happy with what you've got, because the owners of this country don't want that. Do you get on before you get on? Top 10 George Carlin Quotes. God has a three-day weekend.44.Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. How do you feel with 60 years of wisdom? I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens. Funny Birthday Wishes 60th Birthday Birthday Funny Getting Old 40th Birthday Jokes Diplomacy Aggressive 65th Birthday Birthday Friends Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? You are just a 20 year old with 40 years of experience. Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. Hey'It's your 60th birthday!' We haven't tried that for a while. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. August 26, 2013. Oprah Winfrey. Maybe this time itll work., One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor., Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town., Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity., Its never just a game when youre winning., I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam., Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy., People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think., I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that., A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff., If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little., Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. Show more. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all. Don't forget to confirm subscription in your email. I just love you too much. That's exactly what I want you to think.