All Rights Reserved. When was the last time they went on a tropical vacation? Forget trying to change everyone else or thinking that if some situation resolved to your expectation then you could be happy. Victoria Stokes is a writer from the United Kingdom. A dictionary of media and communication: OUP Oxford. I could celebrate Lisas successes, as well as my own. Comparison has mostly been a fleeting experience for me. The first step to stopping the comparisons between past and present you is to move your thinking towards things you're thankful for today. Have you ever judged someone? Charles Cooley (1902) proposed three steps to how interactions with others form self-identity: Cooleys empirical evidence derives from his observations of children. Symbolic Interaction, 15(1), 49-68. wish you could feel more spiritually connected. Once a fear response is locked in one's brain, it resists new information and wants to reinforce itself. And guess what? However, mirroring has been a strategy used in personal development for years. The only way to be satisfied and happy is to stop comparing yourself to others. Imagine if you could elevate the comparison game to a useful art form. And now you pride yourself on being super honest? If your initial reaction to looking at yourself is critical, notice your eyes as you look at yourself in this exacting, maybe even harsh or cold way see if you can flip your attention from the person (or image in the mirror) that you are scrutinizing to seeing the person who is underneath receiving that scrutiny thats who you really are. The Two Words You Need Most, The Dreadful Physical Symptoms of Dementia, 2 Ways Empathy Determines the Type of Partner We Choose, To Be Happy for the Rest of Your Life, Seek These Goals, The Change That Can Boost Anyone's Dating Confidence, 5 Science-Based Techniques to Learn From Failure, 5 Ways to Turn Neuroticism to Your Advantage. Its a reflection of the fact that I am doing the exact same thing in my own wayeven though I wish I werent. I promise. Did you do something that conflicts with your values and you're upset about it? My life is reflecting back, without feeling or judgment, what is being held in front of it. Heres how you can be more confident in the choices you make. As I looked into the reflection he provided, I realized that I, too, can be negativereally negativein some situations. Instead, by understanding how you are like the other person in some way, you develop compassion and understanding for himand yourself. But it wasnt an exercise in self-adoration. This affords me the opportunity to grow and change.. Scheff, T. J. What a concept, right? Drawing from his observations of his own daughter as she developed her ability to use the looking-glass self, Cooley noted that children are especially incentivized to learn how to use the looking-glass self well, as it helps them in a competition for care from members of their primary group. But life will bring the mirror back in different forms until we choose to do so, until we integrate the very quality essential to our growth and development. We come to understand who we are through others reflections of us. I hope so! According to Cooley (1902), the human mind is social and mental. What the Mirror Can Teach You About Yourself: Advice from a Mirror Gazing Expert Most of us associate looking in the mirror with narcissism or feelings of inadequacy, but learning how to see yourself in your own reflection can increase self-compassion, aid stress-management, and improve relationships and emotional resilience. First why are you being treated in this manner, what or who within you is allowing yourself to be mistreated in the first place. Lisa was great, I realized, but in so many wonderful ways, so was I. I could never measure up, no matter how hard I tried. If so, what can you do for yourself to change that? I recommend 10 minutes of silent mirror gazing per day. Here are some simple guidelines. Social media, as Ive mentioned, is a big one for most of us. Thanks for your comment, Judith (and sorry it took a while to reply). "Uniqueness lies in not comparing oneself to others.". You may think someone like a terrorist couldnt reflect anything to you about yourself. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. It's like I get to rewind the negative tape playing in my head. I just wait for another person to break the ice before I can better express myself freely to him.. :D 5 responses Mead argued that the self involves two phases: the Me and the I.. Being envious of another person's money may be a waste of time since wealth isnt associated with increased happiness or well-being. This is because mirror images are natural, 3D, and familiar to us. bluesapien 8 yr. ago. Rahim argues that under this theory, individuals who are stereotyped will come to integrate societys label of them as their identity and will subsequently reproduce that identitys behaviors (2010). See additional information. Research tells us that we need face-to-face contact to develop a sense of self, to manage our emotions, and to develop empathy for others. I felt a swell of pride. The development of stereotypes and labeling. Rahim, E. A. Therefore comparing myself to a pencil in terms of making mistakes, I can say that I am afraid of making mistakes because I lack the best way of dealing with problems. Then, they were asked to find the same characteristicno matter how much they did not want to admit they possessed it. Leave a comment on the blog and I'll be sure to reply! I challenged them to see in the mirror the part of themselves reflected by other peopleespecially those who triggered them in some way. But the irony was that by making time to see myself in the mirror I was actually more interested in making deep connections with others, not less. If I helped a friend in a crisis, in it went. Symbolic interaction, 15 (1), 49-68. Its well established that wealth, beyond having the basics in life, isnt associated with increased happiness or well-being. In fact, kinder self-awareness is the key to breaking free from the inner critic and the external world that stokes our fears and anxieties that we are never safe, never good enough, and never have enough. Ive written previously about developing awareness about the impact of your social media posts on others.