Any righteous, willing, and worthy man may be bishop regardless of his marital status. After two months of separation from her children following the death of her husband, Elder Oaks's mother suffered a nervous breakdown from which "she was told she would never recover" (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "LDS Leaders and Mental Illness," Mormon Channel). These and other negative claims against early Mormon polygamy have caused understandable mental and spiritual turmoil for members. However, it wasn't until years after Elder Bednar's mission and after he was married that his he received an answer to the question he had been asking his father all those years when his father called him to ask, "What are you doing this Saturday? In this collection, a variety of mental health professionals and others present their Latter-day Saint perspectives on divorce and related issues. One female survey respondent commented, I dont feel a need to defend the original practice, and I dont think it is an eternal principle. Latter-day Saint Men and Divorce - The Church of Jesus For more on this topic, check outFinding Wholeness and Happiness after Divorce. From the 1840s to the present, anti-Mormon literature has accused Church leaders and members of immorality and lasciviousness, [Page 48]with suggestions that Joseph Smith started plural marriage to cover-up his own adulterous affairs.6 The 1840s saw some early purveyors of the lustful and lascivious stereotype in the supposed insider exposs of John C. Bennett and the Van Dusens.7 Ironically, some of these clichd stereotypes are still being used today. There were approximately 400 people who participated in the survey with an almost even mix of men and women.32, In spite of the limited number of respondents, there actually was a good variety of people from different ages and backgrounds in terms of marriage status and activity in the LDS Church. These are truly touching and delicate experiences that members of the Church endured as they divorced. Bill Frost, Idaho Bans Ogdens Five Wives Vodka, City Weekly, May 29, 2013, accessed January 20, 2014, http://www.cityweekly.net/utah/blog-21-7669-idaho-bans-ogdens-five-wives-vodka.html. At the time, Elder Cook's father was a less-active member and thought Elder Cook's older brother, Joe, should pursue a career in the medical field instead of serving a mission. He currently serves as the Ward Mission Leader of the Annapolis Maryland Ward. Well, I replied, perhaps a little too sarcastically, we wouldnt want them to do that., [Page 58]No, she answered. By so doing, they will be able to help present and future members trump critics attempts at malicious manipulation. What handbook are you referring to? 37. [Page 74]. The period between the separation and actual divorce can seem nebulous and interminable. For example, several years ago the priesthood/Relief Society manual on the teachings of Brigham Young included a timeline of significant dates in his life, including his first marriage and his second monogamist marriage after the death of his first wife. Upload or insert images from URL. : Latter-day Saint Ambivalence over Its Polygamous Past, in The Persistence of Polygamy, 88, and Lesson 31: Sealed . Copy in authors possession. Men tend to be action oriented, so they may be less inclined to seek counseling and instead bury their feelings by working long hours or immersing themselves in a hobby. Rather than plural marriage being noticeably absent from Church publications, it should be adequately discussed. For example, they wanted to focus on home life or to take care of children. In spite of their migration out of the mainstream Church, discomfort within the Church persisted and intensified over time. They are in violation of the civil law. I for one will be getting a civil marriage first, not because of lack of faith or what have you but because it is what God has ordained. After personal reflection and prayer, Elder Scott felt impressed that he should serve a mission and was called to serve inUruguay from 1950 to 1953. Valerie Hudson, A Reconciliation of Polygamy, presentation at the 2011 FAIR Conference, notes in possession of author. Now, in a world-wide Church such as the LDS Church, not all members will have the same need for or interest in information about the Churchs polygamous past. The Polygamy Porter T-shirts are our best seller, the owner explained. The Church, of course, has no jurisdiction whatever in this matter.26, LDS Apostle M. Russell Ballard stated in a Semiannual General Conference session, Let me state clearly that no polygamist group, including those calling themselves Fundamentalist Mormons or other derivatives of our name, have any affiliation whatsoever with The Church of Jesus Christ [Page 56]of Latter-day Saints.27 LDS Apostle Jeffrey R. Holland was even more outspoken in referencing the fundamentalists, We havent practiced polygamy for over a centuryand its a little frustrating to have these fundamentalist groups resurface.28, Discomfort about the Churchs polygamous past is particularly noticeable in Church-produced literature and at Church-owned historical sites. Top Mormon leaders mostly Republican; two switch to unaffiliated Enter your email to receive updates on our LDS Living content, 2022 LDS Living A Division of Deseret Book Company, How to Talk to Children About Temple Covenants After a Divorce, What (and What Not) to Say to the Recently Divorced, 10 Things Latter-day Saint Singles Wish You Knew, 6 Things Every Latter-day Saint with Divorced Parents Should Understand. Although a strong marriage is the ideal, some marriages unfortunately end in divorce. 61. There was not, however, any mention of Brigham Youngs plural marriages. To find out more about how Latter-day Saints experience divorce, I surveyed more than 1,000 active members who have been divorced or are currently going through the process. Clement is the only Father who reports that Paul was married; many of them expressly deny it; e.g. Not surprisingly, many members have believed these unfortunate and mostly false accusations and stereotyping, in no small part because some historians have repeated and embraced them uncritically.8, Joseph Smiths involvement in so-called polyandrous marriages added to the image of him as a man with unbridled lust. Elder Cook also served a mission from 1960 to 1962, serving in the British Mission with Elder Jeffrey R. Holland as one of his companions. Another example of anti-Mormon accusations of adulterous polyandry can be found at LDSFreedom.org, Polyandry & Joseph Smith, accessed October 12, 2011, http://www.ldsfreedom.org/node/7. For example, television talk show host Bill Maher explained that Mormonism is a religion founded on the idea of polygamy. However, the couple experienced tragedy about five years after their marriage. The commencement and particularly the end of plural marriage [Page 69]were fitful and certainly painful for those involved. Indeed, in the minds of [Page 75]many people, 19th-century Mormon polygamy defines western polygamy.69 Accepting that the twain are inseparable does not mean the Church must acquiesce to the negative stereotyping used by its critics. WebOn their own initiative, some couples separated or divorced as a result of the Manifesto; other husbands stopped cohabiting with all but one of their wives but continued to provide financial and emotional support to all dependents. All research and opinions provided on this site are the sole responsibility of their respective authors, and should not be interpreted as the opinions of the Board, nor as official statements of Latter-day Saint doctrine, belief or practice. Members should learn that one practices plural marriage only when God commands it through his prophets, and we are following the prophet by not presently practicing it. His first thought was, What a dumb idea, why would anyone want more than one woman telling him what to do?36 Another convert who did not learn about plural marriage was a woman who was distressed about the very thought of having [to] share my husband with another. It bothered her enough that she discussed it with other members, and she was told to pray about it. About 14 percent of the Latter-day Saint men and 19 percent of the women have experienced divorce. 1. 68. List of former or dissident Mormons - Wikipedia Plural marriage was introduced to Church members by the Prophet Joseph Smith in the 1840s as a commandment from God and continued as doctrine and an official practice until 1890.1 Official Church support for plural marriage ended [Page 46]after the Manifesto, and many members have come to see this change as the final end of plural marriage. ? on the 12 apostles - LDS Gospel Discussion - ThirdHour When he was 12 years old, the missionaries began visiting Elder Baxter and his family, bringing a sense of goodness and peace into their home. Through prayer and a very powerful dream she experienced, she no longer worried about it all.37 [Page 60]Unfortunately, many members are not reconciled to aspects of plural marriage. This book, which will help couples contemplating divorce and men and women who are working through divorce, offers guidance, ideas, comfort and gospel perspective for those struggling through the painful experience of divorce. No matter how hard the LDS Church may try to cut ties to its polygamous past, the two are irrevocably and inseparably tied to each other. the husband of one wife phrase If you keep your covenants, your relationships in the next life will be fair and right. Even more disturbing for these members is the possibility that they have been lied to by modern Church leaders. Dr. Swinton says, [In Church culture], divorce is a bit of a taboo issue that many don't know how to deal with, so the result is to avoid.However, avoiding divorced members only adds to their troubles. 59. Even so, 12 other countries were represented, most from European countries.34, Over 47% of survey respondents heard about polygamy as a child while another 39% heard about it as teenagers, for a total of over 86% learning about plural marriage while in their childhood or youth. What applepansy said. If Church members dont seem to reach out to you, dont be resentful. As interesting as the survey statistics were, the most fascinating parts of the survey data were the respondent comments. Hales expands this argument about Joseph Smiths polyandrous marriages in his three volume work titled, Joseph Smiths Polygamy (Salt Lake City, Utah: Greg Kofford Books, 2013). However, Elder Oaks says, through "the blessings of the Lord, she did recover and she was stronger than ever"(Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "LDS Leaders and Mental Illness," Mormon Channel). Their surprise at divorce can lead to a feeling of instability. I was sad to see that ward members and [ministering brothers and sisters] were so far down on the list of where support comes from, he says. He works as a Mental Health Clinician for Ktunaxa/Kinbasket Child & Family Services, and as needed for LDS Family Services in the East Kootenay's. Almost any discussion of the subject seems to be discouraged through a lack of mention in the manuals and public presentations. EIN: 46-0869962. All Rights Reserved, NEW POLICY ANNOUNCED FOR DIVORCED LDS MEN. In many ways, Fundamentalist Mormons are like Latter-day Saints former relativesex-uncles or crazy former cousins who cause embarrassment and discomfort, for they remind us of a married past we would rather forget. Divorced men are welcome in the Church in the same manner as married men. In a 2012 e-mail discussion between fellow Latter-day Saints about Joseph Smith and polyandry, one member wrote, There really is a chance that these married women might have been just as interested in the prurient side of this as Joseph Smith.61 [Page 68]Another later agreed that polyandry, no matter how you try to present it, is weird. 54. For some, it has been too much. Many, when they saw me coming, would look the other way, one participant shared. . 46. In preparation for this essay, I conducted an unscientific online survey of attitudes about plural marriage among current and former members of the LDS Church. lds Converts reactions varied, and for some the concept was difficult to accept. Foster, Like Two Crazy Aunts in the Attic.. "The train stopped, my mother went out and tried to get food," President Uchtdorf told KUTV. "When she tried to find the train, the train was gone with her four children in there.". By the end of these few decades, a number of members had doctrinally and physically separated themselves from the body of the Church because they continued to teach and practice plural marriage. This is the average score out of 7 for those support systems: Divorce is the second-most stressful life event, with death of a spouse being the most stressful, according to the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory. 63. Here is some of their best advice: You'll also like: 10 Things Latter-day Saint Singles Wish You Knew, You'll also like:6 Things Every Latter-day Saint with Divorced Parents Should Understand. All who have been through divorce know the pain and need the healing power and hope that come from the Atonement. Divorced LDS women long have been required to obtain a clearance from the First Presidency before being sealed to a second husband. FinancialSpecial5787 1 yr. ago. In fact, most of the literature discussing these marriages suggests Joseph had sexual relations with these women, usually without the cuckold husbands knowledge.9. Men are less inclined to share their feelings, so they can be less likely to learn from their experience. Keith L. Brown is a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That some are now agreeingon message boardsthat polygamy is something that will NOT be present in the post [mortal] world in any form, by any couple? ok now i am confused can you be one of the twelve apostles if you have been divorced does it matter if you remarried, has there been any of the twelve apostles that have been divorced or could you be one of the twelve apostles if you have been divorced i want to make sure i am not misrepresenting the LDS position.